scoop on the local trans scene

Before I moved here, I heard stories. Every year there's a week long trans event. "But it's mostly men" people would say after they saw my eyes light up with expectation and hope for this otherwise sad logging town. Maybe they didn't want me to get my hopes up too high. By "men" they meant people who were born male and who are somewhere on the trans spectrum.

Well, last night I unraveled this mystery a little more. I went to the talent show for the 19th annual "Pacific Northwest's premiere transgender conference" held at the Eagles Naval Lodge downtown. The Naval Lodge is a lot like it sounds. Prominent USA flags, wood paneling, weird old carpet, and an amazing WWII era ballroom. Most people were looking pretty fancy. Not knowing what to expect, I showed up in a tank top and jeans, the sort that I'd wear to a club. I paid my five dollars at the door and entered a room where I could suddenly breath easier.

In this town of about 17,000, I'm used to people giving me second looks. I keep my guard up in the grocery store, at my job, on the rare occasions that I go to a bar around here. They're looking at me because they think I'm some kind of freak. To be fair, I sort of am. It's not hostile mostly, but it's definitely isolating. Last night was different though. I walked into a room of women, some with stiletto go-go boots that rendered them seven feet tall, others in whispy skirts, and still others with sequins and flashy jewels. Lots of feminine presentation. Walking in as a butch felt good.

This scene is pretty fascinating to me. The conference is open to anyone along the MTF spectrum and FTM's if they really want to come but only "genetic women" can attend the SO (significant other) track. The reason given on the official website is that women need a "safe space" to talk. I think what this actually does is enforce a veneer of heterosexuality. Last night at the talent show, there were a lot of jokes about the artificiality of their particular embodiments of femininity (a skit about "buns of foam," another one involving a corsage, a popped balloon, and a "wardrobe malfunction.") My impression is that many of the participants pass as straight couples just about everywhere else they go. In fact, one of the reasons this sad old logging town has hosted this event for nearly 20 years, is that it's far enough out in the middle of nowhere that people can achieve a sense of anonymity without having to pay big city prices. This isn't a critique, but more about documentation. I think what's going on is pretty awesome. These folks are injecting a much needed shot of queerness, even if it's behind closed doors. I had fun last night. Finally.

loose toother

Francis just celebrated her sixth birthday. She's a magical little kid. Last night she brought home a couple of flowers that had fallen from a bush that is exploding with blooms a few blocks away. I stopped to notice how intricate and amazing the flowers are, and she was right there with me, able to appreciate how incredible flowers are. When I tucked her into bed, she showed me how one of her front teeth might be loose. I'm in love with these little moments. I came into her life when she had just turned five and I wish I could have been there when she was born. But, in all honesty, I probably wasn't ready to be a part of a family yet.

Anyway, after a couple of months of craziness, life is starting to settle down a little more. It doesn't make for exciting blog posts, but I'm glad I can sleep through the night again. I don't manage stress very well. I get anxious and have a hard time sleeping because I wake up at 3 am all worried about something. I'm glad that's over for right now at least.

empty fishbowl

Both fish are dead. It seems that the weekends are rough on the goldfish. This morning, I walked in on the boss lady removing the remains so that I wouldn't be traumatized early in the day. Very thoughtful...

My plan is to just be cool. Friendly, but not too friendly.

the air smells like fish sometimes

I can walk to work now. It's about eleven blocks. I walk past houses, an old bowling alley, a grocery store, and a couple of hotels. In the early morning, the air smells like fish sometimes. On the way to work, I'm walking north. I can see the ocean and Canada in the blue hazy distance. Seeing this beautiful horizon reminds me of possibility and hope. I never thought about this kind of stuff in the car. In the car, I worried about being late.

On a side note, I'm currently stalking someone. No, not the woman who gave me "princess" the goldfish. There's a house that has about forty antennae coming out of the roof. It's very excessive. When I walked by yesterday there was a woman smoking a cigarette just outside. I didn't say anything to her but I do want to know what kind of vibes she's trying to pick up with all those aspiring metal rods. My current theory is aliens. Or maybe pirate radio. But that's just the beginning.

moved, again

Last night we slept in the house for the first time. I was exhausted from a day of moving crap and crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow. I awoke to the warm sunshine on my skin and my beautiful lover beside me, naked. And there we were in our new house. Sometimes I feel like such a grown up. It's a little surreal.

Today we've got to go back to the apartment and clean. This is the fourth time I've moved in the last year.

I feel a little weird

She's the boss that most people hate.
There are rumors that she likes me.
Today there was a surprise fishbowl in my cube.
It had two fish.
One she named princess.

progress, finally

My sister came for a visit last weekend. It was rad. We went to the Seattle sculpture garden and the obligatory space needle. We skipped the $16 to ride the elevator to top, but it was still kind of cool. Especially since she could appreciate the sense of decaying modernity the space needle embodies. My sister is cool. We've grown closer this last year and I'm really happy about it.

Anyway, after an afternoon in the city, we went to my place and worked on the floors. We're putting hardwood everywhere but the kitchen. In the kitchen, my sister helped me put down marble tiles that we got as seconds for cheap.